Coco's Birthday Party
Let them (sit on) cake!
A brief history of my experience having a birthday four days after Christmas;
I couldn’t have a party or celebration at school because of winter break, I couldn’t have friends over for a party because no one was available during winter break, and I couldn’t celebrate on the actual day because that was our Christmas celebration at my Mom’s side of the family. Christmas Day was with Dad’s side, so I would usually get a card from my Mom’s Mom with a gift card for an ice cream cone- but no one would sing. I couldn’t go out and celebrate New Year’s either, because that was the day I was brought home from the hospital, and my Dad always wanted to spend it with me.
One of the rare times I got to celebrate on the day: 12/29/90
So, I never really felt like *had* a birthday on my birthday, and I had to work very hard to make them happen. I never really asked for a lot, either. My ideal birthday was 24 hours where I felt special. Growing up, my bestie and I would celebrate by calling random phone numbers and radio stations saying “Hi! Just wanted to let you know today is my birthday!” And then wait for them to awkwardly say “uh, happy birthday… who is this?”
We thought we were hilarious.
Once, when I was 9, or 11? I can’t remember entirely… I boycotted December 29th and had a half-birthday on June 29th so I could have an actual birthday party with friends. We had a pool party with a chocolate covered cake, and a squirt gun fight.
When I was 13, sometime in that week between Christmas and new years, I had a birthday party with immediate family. I remember refusing to put candles *in* the cake, and insisted the cake was a Smiley Face with Peace Signs. I got a Betty Spaghetti. It was the early oughts….
*Once* my mom threw me a surprise party with my friends from dance class. That was a really great one. I cried. I couldn’t believe all of them made the drive in the snow. I lived pretty far away from my dance studio, so all of those girls made a trip for me. I felt special.
For my Sweet Sixteen, I had a dinner party with a chocolate fountain, and dressed up real pretty. We got to eat shrimp cocktail and chicken cordon bleu. My brothers were the dinner party’s ‘servers’. They hated it. I very much love them for doing that for me.
When I turned 18, I begged my friends to take me to a nightclub. We drove there, sat in the car, and they all talked me out of it. I guess that was the right choice. We went and got Chai’s and Linzer cookies instead. I loved it so much I wrote a recipe for both in my cookbook.
21 was spent in Philly, I tried to have a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant.. I had just started dancing in clubs so I wanted to buy champagne. Only a few people came, and they were underage, so it was a little weird.
25 was in Atlantic City. The clock struck 12:00 while I was mid air, in Louboutins and a red fringe outfit I made for myself.
I don’t remember 26-29 but my 30th birthday was the first birthday I had being married (🤢). My abuser had flowers and French chocolates delivered to my work -which was nice- but then they showed up and spent two hours convincing me to buy a car that I couldn’t really afford. The $2500 deposit was made with my credit card, the financing was solely in my name, and then they insisted on registering the car in both of our names. My abuser then went and told everyone who would listen that they bought me a car for my birthday. I made every single payment on that car, and in 2023 traded it for a new one because I hated the energy attached to it. The redeeming factor of that birthday was the friend who wrapped my whole desk in sparkle paper and brought cupcakes.
From 31-35, I kind of avoided my birthday. One year, I worked, and the Housemom brought me a cake- that was so nice of her because I was still a new girl at that club, and I was grateful.
So after Coco’s Magic Show was a huge success, and people kept asking me when I was going to perform again, I decided I wanted a birthday show. I was going to call it Coco’s Birthday Party, and I was going to include all of my favorite parts of what I considered to be a great birthday: Balloons, Confetti, a Piñata and, Cake.
I was heavily inspired by my burlesque friends: there is a traditional routine where the performer is naked, (or very close to it), and covered with balloons. As the music plays, the patrons tip her as she pops the balloons one by one, until eventually, she gives them what they want- her birthday suit. I wanted to do *that*. The visuals were so cool because as the balloons popped, they glowed in the blacklight, so as the show progressed, so did the mess I was making- just like a party. I chose the Ke$ha song ‘Blow” because some 15 years ago, I did my first ever college pole performance to that same song for an audience of my peers. I called it “Clear Heels and False Eyelashes” and I shocked my entire student body. I was also really drunk when I did that show, which is another reason why this girl is sober these days…..
After popping the balloons, I revealed a pink sequined dress that said “It’s My Birthday”. Everyone saw that and screamed. It felt so good. I wanted to incorporate confetti and a piñata, because all of the best parties have piñatas. I really *really* wanted to hit the piñata with a stick, but my judgement told me that might be dangerous, so instead, I filled it with confetti, and swung it around like a raver. The song choice, Little Mix’s “Confetti” was appropriate not just because of the prop, but specifically because of the line, “DJ say my name, like its my birthday”. When that happened, a whole bunch of girls started screaming because I didn’t realize but, they were celebrating their Christmas Birthday’s, too!!!!! Talk about special. Who knew so many Christmas to New Year’s Capricorns wanted to celebrate with me!!
From the confetti, I was ready to do some of my favorite and most impressive pole tricks. And this song choice was 100000% for me, because I danced to Paris Hilton’s newest track- Legacy. The lyrics say:
“
I know they will remember me
For the glamour and fantasy
You know in reality
That loving you is my legacy
”
I just felt like that song was SO applicable to me, not just as Coco- your favorite Stripper’s favorite Stripper- but also as Courtney, your romantic and fancy-loving friend.
After I got done doing my fairy princess prancing and pole spinning, it was time for the main event: Cake. I passed out party hats, laid out a tablecloth, and distributed forks. We were going to eat. I wanted to get messy and I wanted to smash a cake- much like I did in my Philly show a few years back, but this time with more mess.
I should say that I’ve been dancing with cake for over a decade. My Senior Thesis for my BFA in Dance Performance was a Marie Antoinette inspired picnic with cupcakes and champagne. I dressed my dancers in gorgeous costumes created by my costume designer friend, Erin Kacmarcik, pancaked their faces with white powder, and piled their hair into big poofy curls. Sitting in a cake was not far-fetched.
So after I ‘set the table’ so to speak, I had a canister of whipped cream, a pink swirled cake, and Steve Aioki’s “Cake Face”. I teased the audience to the point of them begging, and I squirted whipped cream all over my face, and into their mouths. One person ate the whipped cream off of me (HOT) and another smashed a tower I piped on my booty with a $20 bill (if its not this, send it back).
It’s worth saying I almost completely ate shit and slipped on the stage, but I pulled it together. Because every party has an element of ‘wtf is going on’.
I brought out the cake, lit the candle and made my birthday wish. It’s a secret, don’t ask- but to extinguish my candle… I was not going to use my breath. Mommy SAT on that cake. I gave out forks for a reason, and they were going to use them. They were hungry too…
After I made a huge mess, and my show was done, I had thought of everything except how to get off the stage. I wrapped the tablecloth around me and did a potato sack hop off of the stage to thunderous applause.
I took a straight up bath in the dressing room. Lots of dish soap, towels, and money covered in cake. Literally what my dreams are made up.
It really truly was the best birthday I’ve ever had. I don’t know how I’m going to top this one… I guess I’ll have to just go back to Versailles in my sparkliest Louboutin's and walk down the Hall of Mirrors.
Coco’s birthday party will be posted on thebadgirlpage.
Thank you for making my birthday so special. I love you.
xoxo,c