Is she a Stripper, or is she a Chef?
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Once upon a time, I was on a reality tv cooking competition, and what do you know, I won...
It’s been ten years since my reality tv experience, and I’m *still* hearing this question. It’s interesting because one of the things I talk about with my Stripper Friends is that ‘if you keep hearing a phrase you don’t really enjoy, you might want to come up with a few good responses”. I could have taken my own advice ages ago, but I guess it’s better late than never.
I understand that there are people who watch tv, might not realize the release date, and then choose to ‘check in’ on where I’m at now. They are not just confused, but frustrated. I see how they may have emotionally invested in me, and created a projection of a future in food for me, only to have this ‘fantasy’ bubble burst. They’re not wrong for feeling these things, I get it. The problem lies in how they react to it.
There is no ‘requirement’ to pursue a career in food once appearing on the show. Many people also confuse the show I was on with the show that includes a contract to work in a restaurant. The only thing I was obligated to complete after filming was my cookbook, and the cruise.
I readily and often admit that I did not represent Strippers or my Club experience in a way that truly reflected my feelings. I was afraid of the reactions from the innumerable people that didn’t know I was working in clubs. I handled that poorly, and I am sorry. I have secured titles for being an exemplary Entertainer, I have a degree in Performance, my favorite place in the world is on a stage. But I had no experience or exposure to mass media or a platform of such size. Please remember that ten years ago, Stripping was *incredibly* stigmatized. It still is, but we have come a long way in changing that perspective.
Those who watch the show now, don’t see the thousands of hate tweets I was receiving each day back in 2014. They don’t see the trending hashtags and tabloid headlines dragging me, and discrediting my success just because I was a Stripper. If you are brave and want a taste of how nasty mean people have been, and continue to be to me, pop on over to reddit, it's rampant there.
There was such a polarizing response to my performance and win of the tv show. The audience really struggled with accepting the duality of my skills and I saw a lot of patterns in their reactions that reflected their own shame, insecurities, and conditioned judgements. I took it so personally, and tried to hide all evidence of that part of my life as a means to protect myself. I wish I hadn’t done that.
My message and response to the question of ‘Is she a Stripper or is she a Chef’ is this:
I am both.
If that is uncomfortable for someone, well then this isn’t the place, and I am not the person for them. I was a Stripper long before I got into food, and it’s unfortunate that my accomplishments in food were so overshadowed by an audience’s narrow worldview. I am celebrated as a Stripper far more than I ever have been in my reality tv experience, and I choose to focus more on the spaces where I am loved and accepted, rather than the spaces where I am constantly defending myself.
I am going to be authentically me, it’s your choice whether to stay or to leave.
xo,c
Unveiled Magazine 2013, Getty Images Credit: FOX 2014