Thoughts on meditation, affirmations, and routines
Routines are incredibly powerful. They’re a practice that builds momentum in our actions, and affects how we trust ourselves and others. When we are exposed to dysfunctional and unpredictable environments overtime, our routines are more likely to be dysfunctional and unpredictable, too. Productive or not, a pattern is a pattern, and a pattern we choose to engage in becomes a routine.
Coffee has been a part of my routine for an incredibly long time. Some of my longest running friendships began in coffee shops during the 2-4 minutes between ordering my coffee, and holding it in my hand. There’s a lot of energy exchanged within a brief and pleasant interaction, paired with a handcrafted treat.
My ideal coffee experience is one where I’m not rushed through the process. There’s a way to be efficient without rushing- even with a line- and the ones who get it, are absolute gems. You can hold space while making haste, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I’ve always been someone who savors moments, rather than rushing through them. I likely developed that from a scarcity mindset, where I enjoyed something so thoroughly, borderline romanticizing, because I felt deep down, that I didn’t deserve it. That behavior has evolved into gratitude, which is far nicer to experience.
During the most intense parts of my therapy sessions, my therapist and I worked on identifying my patterns and then discovering how they may have developed. One of my patterns was a lot of negative self-talk, regardless of the situation. She would ask me, “who taught you to feel this way?” and “is this a rule that still applies to you?” Those simple questions carried a lot of weight, and were applicable to almost all of my negative self-chatter.
We noticed that most of the negative thought patterns I was experiencing floated to the surface during my sleep. So waking up each day, I was organizing and closing out a lot of metaphorical ‘tabs’ in my mind. It was a lot of work- redirecting my thoughts, but it resulted in muting the volume of other people’s projections, and tuning into the sound of my own voice inside my head. My authentic self.
My therapist encouraged me to practice affirmations, and up front, I was dismissive to the idea. I had the black and white thinking that affirmations had to be said and done in a specific way. It felt prescribed and performative. I didn’t realize that an affirmation could simply be a response to the intrusive thought. As simple as knowing how to respond when someone says, ‘knock-knock’. So because of my reluctance and frustration, I was snarky and said “I’m doing my fucking best, okay?’ to which she was so unfazed and said, “that’s a great place to be”.
From then on, when I felt the intrusive self-hate creep in, I shut it down by telling the thought, “I’m doing my fucking best”. Which developed into a routine of waking up with all of these negative thoughts, and dismissing each one while sipping my coffee, and repeating the phrase. As time progressed, we created more affirmations, and I told her that it felt like one of those classified ads labeled ‘take what you need’ with the tear aways at the bottom.
Even today, I still have my OG Affirmative Coffee Mug, with the fading sharpie marker baked onto the ceramic. Each morning, I choose my mug based of what energy I need for the day, allowing myself to ‘take what I need’ while literally filling my own cup. So yeah, it’s a little bit of a performance, but I prefer to call it a ‘ceremony’ or ‘ritual’.
Affirmations don’t have to be a certain anything. They’re meant to feel warm like the sunshine, gentle like a breeze, or cathartic like a rain shower. I just like to practice mine with my coffee.
Get your Affirmative Coffee Cup here
xo,c
